Redefining Success: How to Live Life on Your Own Terms, Without Comparison

In a world obsessed with success stories, it’s time to confront a bold truth: 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒃𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍. We often measure our worth against the achievements of others, telling ourselves we’re “fine” or that “this is as good as it gets.” But let’s be real - success isn’t about mimicking someone else’s journey. 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. So, grab your courage, because we’re diving deep into how to kick those comparison roadblocks to the curb and carve out your unique path to success. It’s time to ditch the “I’m fine” and embrace a life that truly reflects who you are!

Understanding the Comparison Trap

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝒓𝒂𝒑?

The comparison trap is a sneaky little gremlin that creeps in when you least expect it. It’s that moment when you find yourself looking at someone else’s achievements and feeling like you’re not doing enough, that you’re falling behind while everyone else seems to have it all figured out. 𝑺𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒕: 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓𝒔. The truth? You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s high time we call it out as the ridiculous cycle of self-doubt that it is.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑰𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒏 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒍-𝑩𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈

Constantly measuring your worth against others can lead to a dangerous mix of anxiety, depression, and burnout.​ Many people find themselves stuck in a low-satisfaction rut because they're too focused on how others are doing instead of what truly matters to them. So, what can you do? First, 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒃𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔. Shift your focus to your own journey and intentions, and watch how your energy transforms!

Defining Success on Your Terms

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑰𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒆𝒔

The foundation of a fulfilling life is knowing your core values. Ask yourself: What really matters to me? Is it family, career, creativity, or something else? What brings me joy? What's are the common threads in all that I do?

When you align your definition of success with your personal values, you create a genuine roadmap that reflects your true self. Use a values assessment tool or exercise to clarify what you hold dear. Write down your top three values and reflect on how they can shape your goals. Revisit what you've written down often. As we develop a better understanding of what the values mean and who WE are, they'll probably evolve.

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝑰𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑺𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖

Take some time to reflect on the moments that made you feel most accomplished. What were you doing? Who were​ you with? Write down your thoughts and feelings. This journaling exercise can help you uncover your unique vision of success, free from societal expectations. Consider asking close friends or family their thoughts on this to gain insights into what they perceive as your strengths and unique qualities. This feedback can illuminate paths you might not have considered.

To further explore this, create a roadmap of your ideal life at five, ten, and fifteen years from now. What does success look like at each stage? This exercise helps visualize and plan your future, making it more attainable.

Creating Your Unique Path to Success

𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝑹𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑮𝒐𝒂𝒍𝒔

1. Start with Awareness: Begin by noticing the lies you tell yourself daily. Phrases like "I have to do it all," or "It's okay to settle," can limit your aspirations. Challenge these thoughts and ask yourself if they align with your true desires. Write these phrases down and create counter-statements that reflect your goals and values.

2. Set Intentional Goals: Based on your values and reflections, set goals that excite you. Make sure they are specific, measurable, and aligned with your vision and definition of success. Break them into smaller milestones to make the journey manageable and rewarding. Setting deadlines for each milestone can create a sense of accountability. And, for extra potential, find someone to be your accountability partner.

3. Visualize Your Success: Create a vision board that represents your goals and dreams. Visualizing your ideal success can serve as​ a daily reminder of what you’re working towards. Include images, quotes, and accomplishments that inspire you. Regularly update your board to reflect new aspirations. If vision boards aren't your jam, do a journal entry about what you envision for your future. Write it all out as a story, featuring YOU.

4. Create an Action Plan: Each goal should have a clear action plan outlining the steps you need to take. This plan should include deadlines, resources needed, and potential obstacles to be aware of. The more detailed your action plan, the more empowered you’ll feel moving forward. Spoiler alert - This is a huge part of what I help others do. Accountability+Clarity+Plan=Boomshakalaka ☄️.
   

The Power of Self-Reflection and Introspection

Regular self-reflection is essential for growth. Set aside time each week to ask yourself how you’re feeling about your goals and the progress you’re making.

This practice helps you stay in tune with your desires and adjust your course as needed. This isn't about beating yourself up or judging yourself either. It's about being honest with yourself about the progress you have (or haven't) made, then recommitting if you need to or celebrating when you hit mark (that parts a big deal - like a REALLY big deal). Consider incorporating meditation or mindfulness practices to create space for introspection. Journaling about your thoughts and feelings can also help clarify your path and keep you accountable to your goals.

Embracing Your Journey

𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝑾𝒊𝒏𝒔

Recognizing and celebrating small victories is crucial (see above 😉). Whether you’ve set a new boundary at work or taken time for self-care, give yourself credit for your progress. These moments build momentum toward your larger goals. Create a “win jar” where you write down your small achievements and review them regularly as a source of motivation. Setting up a rewards system for yourself can also maintain enthusiasm and commitment to your goals. 𝑪𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝑮𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒕𝒉 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒆𝒕

Adopt a growth mindset, which encourages learning and resilience (if growth mindset is new to you, check out "Mindset" by Carlo S. Dweck - you're welcome). Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks. This positive perspective shifts your focus from comparison to self-improvement. To cultivate this mindset, practice re-framing negative self-talk into constructive feedback. Instead of thinking, "I failed," consider, "I learned something valuable for next time." It might feel awkward, and ridiculous, but words MATTER - use them wisely. Or go one step further and use curiosity, "What information did this experience give me that I can apply next time?" Surround yourself with positive influences that reinforce this mindset, whether through books, workshops, or supportive communities.

Conclusion

Redefining success is a personal journey that requires courage and honesty. By breaking free from the lies we tell ourselves and acknowledging our unique values, we can create a fulfilling path that resonates with who we truly are. Remember, you are not alone on this journey—𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚, 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘. All My Love 💗 Let's keep the conversation going:

What does success mean to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s support one another in this journey of redefining success!